GUNSLINGERS
Back in the old west hundreds and hundreds of years after the time of the lobster there lived many a great duelers and chaos often rang throughout the small dusty towns. Shoot-outs were often and nobody was ever safe in the local bank. This is a tale about a unlikely hero who found help in unlikely places during those times. His name was Johnston.
Johnston was a young person and considered quite useless by most of the local townspeople because he was not good with a gun. Nobody in those days seemed to live long without being good with a gun. Anyway, Johnston’s adventure began one day when he went to the local museum.
The reason Johnston was going to the museum was that it had recently acquired a lobster as its main exhibit. Lobster was a rare thing to see in the dusty western towns, and there wasn’t much to do so the entire town seemed to be jumping at the opportunity to see the strange red creature. Johnston, not being a rich man, could barely afford the price but deep inside he knew he wanted to see this. AS Johnston approached the small museum he realized there was actually A LINE HE WOULD HAVE TO WAIT IN. This quite annoyed him for in a town of 80 few people it is quite rare to have TO WAIT FOR ANYTHING. It seemed to Johnston that people from other towns had also shown up, and either he or one other man in the distance would be unfortunate enough to get the last spot in line.
The other man spotted Johnston and they both raced to the line of people. Unfortunately for Johnston they collided and both fell on their feet. The other man got up first. He was a rugged looking man with dirty clothes, a rough face, glaring angry eyes, and a slightly snarling mouth. Johnston also noted in horror that the man carried two guns. "quite sorry sir," Johnston mumbled. "Aint lookin’ eh?" Growled back the ruffled man. "well sir…" "WAIT ALL NOW!" interrupted the increasingly angry man. "So ya was lookin’? well that just won’t do. Cause I don’t take kindly like to them who bump me all on purpose." Suddenly the man grinned "well aint that dandy!" he continued. "I know a way ta settle this fer ya! You boy is gonna die at that there corral at three o’ clock. That should settle this problem out real nice!" the man then grunted, turned and walked away as if nothing had happened.
This entire thing quite startled Johnston but he decided to see the museum’s exhibit anyway. He was, of course, the last to see the lobster and thinking of nothing better to do asked the owner of the museum if he could stay awhile. "all right BOY" answered the old store owner. "I guess you aint gonna’ do nothin". So Johnston stayed awhile.
"You are not going to let that old bully Kill you and squash you like a fly stuck in molasses now are you?" Johnston suddenly heard. He looked around but nobody was around. "right behind you boy!" cried the mysterious voice. Johnston swung around and found the lobster right behind him. Remembering his wonderful education all the way through third grade Johnston remembered that lobsters couldn’t talk, and again cried out "who is speakin’ to me?" "it’s me!" cried the lobster and Johnston jumped back in shock as he realized he was talking to a LOBSTER. "NOW LET ME START ALL OVER" CONTINUED THE LOBSTER. "YOU’RE NOT GOING TO LET HIM SHOOT YOU ARE YOU? " "UHHHHHH…".LET ME THINK ON THAT A SPELL." Answered Johnston nervously. "my boy." Said the lobster, "you must learn and use what you know, not let him beat you at the gunfight." After a moment of silence the lobster continued. "I have learned through experience that humans are dirty, rotten, stinking, filthy, bad mouthed, traitorous, ugly, mean, and brainless scum; therefore I try to keep away from them. What have you learned?" Johnston still a little shocked just stood and stared, giving evidence to the Brainless part of the lobster’s theory. "what I am trying to say boy," the lobster stated, "is that you must use your brains for this duel, not your reflexes. I know this because that fool has even less brains than you!" "oh," Johnston said apparently recovered from the shock. "now you got a plan boy?" questioned the lobster. "Johnston thought awhile and then exclaimed "I’ve got one!" "good," said the lobster. "but if you don’t mind I think you owe it to me to get me out of this cage" "what bout’ the townsfolk though? Asked Johnston. "they won’t all take a kindly’ to me a stealin’ you." "ah, now you are thinking!" said the wise old lobster. "But don’t worry about that. I have a plan also!"
So when it was time for the duel Johnston and the lobster were both ready. the big bully came right on time. "HECK! Ya showed up did ya?" he exclaimed. "yes I did" Johnston replied. "but before we duel lets have a tad of target practice." The big man thought awhile and then said "all right. You’s so bad a shot it won’t matter none." "what do you say we shoot at them thar bottles? Asked Johnston and pointed to some barely visible bottles off in the distance. "HAR HAR HAR!" laughed the grisly fellow. You’s can barely see em much less hit em!" "No." replied Johnston. "that’s a easy hit!"
so Johnston took aim at one of the barely visible bottles and pulled the trigger. To the big man,s amazement it broke. Little did he know the lobster was right under the bottles in the sand and would break one every time he heard a gunshot. Johnston aimed again, and again a bottle broke. Soon the big man was so horrified that he took off running and didn’t stop till he got to Delaware.
That’s the tale of Johnston and the Lobster, and even though nobody knows what became of the lobster, not even Johnston, he never got in trouble for its disappearance and was a wiser person for the rest of his life. So remember, not all lobsters want to eat you, and you may even learn from them, and remember the lesson of the wise lobster. Often the brain is stronger than the bullet.