Question: Is Holden really as cold and “tough” as he tries to seem, or is he really more caring and tricking himself as to who he is? And also, if so, why?
Holden, to me, seems indeed to be hiding his true self, somewhere deep within himself. But unlike some who try to make themselves look different to others, but acknowledge who they truly are to themselves, Holden seems to have gone one step farther. It seems, to me at least, that he has been trying to seem tough etc. for so long that he as in essence tricked himself to think he really is that way, or at least partly. He seems to be at the point where he cant seem to decide who he is, similarly to if you say a word the wrong way too many times, you can’t really remember how the heck to say it correctly anymore. He is torn between many things. Is he more child or adult? Good guy, or bad guy? Passive “wimp” or “tough guy”. It seems to me he wants to be them all. It also seems he was at one point more a openly caring person, and that sometimes he wants to return to it, although weather or not he ever can, is of question.
There is quite a bit of evidence supporting these ideas, and I’ll try to point them out. (however I handed in all my notes +cards so I really can’t give page numbers.) Early in the book evidence surfaces almost immediately. As Holden watches over the big football game, he is sad to leave even though he supposedly hates Pencey School. He claims he is only sad because he can’t think of a way to actually miss the place, but Holden isn’t the most honest person about his feelings so why he is truly sad can be Argued.
More compelling evidence comes when Holden visits Mr. Spencer. He supposedly really doesn’t like the man, and could care less, yet he didn’t HAVE to visit if he didn’t want to. He was getting kicked out, and the teacher would never see him again anyway. Yet Holden visits. During the visit Holden constantly complains to the reader about Mr. Spencer’s quirks, yet he seems to help out when he can, and when he leaves, he claims it because he hated the smell of the place, but to me, it seemed perhaps he hated to see Mr. Spencer suffer as he was.
Later in the book more evidence shows itself, albeit in a strange way. Holden hires a prostitute, but when she arrives he suddenly feels sorry for her, and all he wants to do is talk. Holden claims, he “just didn’t feel like it” but obviously there is more to it than that. First, it seems he in a way, sees the girl as himself, or what he is becoming. He feels sorry for her, as he knows what she is going through, and perhaps doesn’t want to hurt her more than she already is. And by the way he “just wants to talk” it is almost as if he brought her over, almost just because he wanted a friend. It is also possible the girl reminded him of Jane. Jane is also, perhaps, the only person Holden openly worries about, thus showing who he truly is. For example, the thought of what might happen when Stradlater went out with her, scared the heck out of Holden. She, and Allie are also the only two people Holden never speaks unfavorably about.
Which brings me to WHY Holden might be the way he is. One “common sense” answer is simply that Holden is a teenager. Teenagers are generally confused, don’t know who they really are, and thus act different ways, trying to seem cool, and if they can trying to also seem to be themselves. (Although the later rarely happens.) However, there seems to be more than just this contributing to Holden’s “confusion.” It seems Allie’s death may have been what brought about Holden’s personality change, and there is evidence for this. Firstly Holden is now in a “mental institute” so he is atleast considered insane. Second, the first time he showed signs of insanity was the day Allie died and he broke all the windows. Holden himself admits “That is when all that Psychotherapy stuff started.” Indeed, it seems Allie’s death was a turning point in Holden’s life.